coaldustcanary: (RanFan - Charlie the Unicorn - Bitch Plz)
[personal profile] coaldustcanary
You guys, you have to see this...this thing. This character description from an actual published book. It's...

You guys.

I can't even describe this, I'm just going to link to the scan on [livejournal.com profile] vandonovan's LJ since he generously said we could spread the "love" of this around.

http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

The most horrifyingly hysterical purple prose ever.

Date: 2009-03-11 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prettyarbitrary.livejournal.com
I'VE SEEN THAT BOOK! Somebody signed it out and brought it to a party so he could read aloud from it and entertain us all! Man, it had us rolling in the aisles.

Date: 2009-03-11 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buaidhnobas.livejournal.com
I hurt. It's so bad I almost want to fill two pages of nothing but simile and metaphor describing how much those two pages of writing suck.

Date: 2009-03-11 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] choperena.livejournal.com
Go to the original post's comments!

Date: 2009-03-11 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mythdude.livejournal.com
What book is this??? o_O

Date: 2009-03-11 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] choperena.livejournal.com
Her buttocks are a fist and her breasts cheese? Srsly? Srsly???

Date: 2009-03-11 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] choperena.livejournal.com
I just remembered I know how to say Bitch Please in ASL ^_^

Date: 2009-03-11 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] joexnz.livejournal.com
oh dear god!
this was published
there clearly is no god, no justice and possibly no hand basket as we are already in hell.

Date: 2009-03-11 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] savannahdreamer.livejournal.com
I am laughing in my mind, for I am at school. Also crying. For the pain of that is only eclipsed by it's sheer awesome badness. I so totally want to read more now. Just to marvel at the fact that it is a real print book.

Date: 2009-03-11 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aellya.livejournal.com
OMG
OMG OMG
That is the worst.. I mean absolutely the worst. Just can't stop laughing.
I mean how many fucking metaphores do you need to describe her fucking body for Christ's sake? Who published that crap?

Date: 2009-03-12 02:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aellya.livejournal.com
BTW I crossposted to another forum I read (My guild's world of warcraft forum) and one of my guildmates posted this:


"That description was a train flying off the tracks on a mountain cliff. A meteor burning through the atmosphere to strike the happiest couple alive. It was clover, and a sunset to the east. It was a shoe that looked and felt good in the store but cut off circulation and caused gangrene. It was as satisfying as a visit to tubgirl. It was like a dog in the rain that ate cheese. It was as if the editor had just said "F**k This!" three chapters earlier."

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